by Loren Shimanek
These truly are days of change. "Change Days" is what we like to call them around the water cooler. The candidates took off their protective Ray Bans and discussed why the sun's heat is eroding the Earth. While this simpleton explanation of global warming seems like insensitive ridicule, there needs to be a half-smile retort to such a serious and ominous issue. Unfortunately, for politicians global warming is a crap shoot issue. Those who get on board risk unfavorable attention; instead candidates should be focused on people's immediate troubles, not theoretical, circumstantial, invisible threats like melting pools of glaciers and dying species of animals, or mercury laced tuna and subsistence methods that can't evolve due to the dire implications of a non-existent labor market in Northern Alaska.
Anyway, the candidates touched on some nerves as the media drilled them like the Bush administration wants to drill into the oil resources in Alaska. By the way, did anyone know that Alaska is part of the United States? Just curious. Edwards shined; he does that, taking no prisoners and completely destroying the other Dems. It's sad because his chances of being elected are stupid. Barack Obama didn't really say much, he does that, lots of fanfare and little actual substance. In fact he opted out of a question that now escapes me. And Senator Clinton decided to divulge some hardcore figures and structural policy revisions, but not after being asked where the 50 billion smackers will fall from to create more sustainable, self-derived forms of energy. She did, however, adequately perform with professionalism in the face of adversity as it seems the media is attacking the Senator, possibly as a backlash for the double team provided by husband Bill Clinton. The Dems had figures and answers, the Republicans just showed up and said stuff.Not a single candidate has anything constructive to say albeit Senator John McCain had some revisionist ideas, but no hard figures to throw around. It was suggested in a panel discussion following the "Focus the Nation" event that Republicans have no real incentive to discuss global warming since it doesn't fit the profile of Republicans and interferes with conservative money rhetoric. That's too bad since the next President will have to lead the rest of the globe on a trek to save mother nature from the evil forces of... you got it, global warming. Ron Paul thinks people will follow their best interests in a free market and do what they want which will make everything happy and stuff. The only problem is the coal industry has billions of dollars and they will pump that into Washington and communities and people will be fat and dumb and sucking on coal like it was a snow cone. Ron Paul, I'm sorry, even though you've caught the imaginations of the 20-something crowd of emerging liberalists and MySpace refugees, you can't fool this guy. Neoliberalism is a catch phrase only colonist can enjoy. Erica Huckabee sugar coats everything. Her hear this in the right place, but she can't comment heavily on how to solve global warming, especially when she needs to remain true to her faith and intelligent design base. Science, what's science, the ID crowd inquires... its answering questions in a methodological way using measures of observable variable to build abstract concepts to understand the world... ID crowd says, "That’s what Jesus is for!" I rest my case. Giuliani was energetic, but authoritarian. No wonder his daughter is a Democrat. Rebellion for life. Senator John McCain said lots of good things. None of which actually matters, it's just lip service. If elected as leader he will probably put global warming off until we all live in shaded bubbles which is cool. I'm into that. So is Scientologist John Travolta who made a dramatization of what life was like for a young adolescent who had to live in a safe, pollutant free bubble. Tragic indeed. Not to poke fun, but we could be looking into the future as air, water, and edibles will be contaminated with things unmentionable to this journalist. This is my rant and I hope the candidates get proactive about global warming.
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